Written by: Myan Subrayan
Article source: JOY! Magazine

I have written this letter for you: parents who have raised your children in love yet, now, may find yourselves forgotten by them. Being disrespected by your own flesh and blood cuts deep. It is not a physical wound, but a “soul” wound – the pain of knowing that the one you would die for acts as though you never existed. It is one thing to be rejected by a stranger, but when it is your own child? It cuts to the bone! Take heart that God understands this pain as He experienced it when His own children, Adam and Eve, rejected Him.

Your children may have been poisoned by this world and fed lies that you were too hard. The truth is, they don’t understand “tough love” yet – nor your battles to feed, clothe, and educate them. The devil wants you to believe that it’s over, but keep trusting God that He can open their eyes. Despite how far your children may be, do not despair for He is near to the broken-hearted.

A merciful lens
Many Christian parents silently carry guilt over children who’ve drifted from the faith; I want to offer hope and healing. With empathy and compassion, I want to reframe your parental pain by pointing you to Scripture, reminding you that faithfulness – not outcomes – is what God honours. I believe it’s also a timely word for today’s Church to stop wounding the wounded, to restore grace to families of prodigals, and to believe that the God who began a good work will finish it in His perfect way.

Sadly, in many Christian circles, a child who wanders (the prodigal) is wrongly interpreted as a blight on their parents’ faith. Rather than compassion, parents of prodigals often face whispers and isolation. Yet God’s Word invites us to look through a different, merciful lens. The goal is not achieving perfect outcomes, but maintaining a posture that welcomes the prodigal home in God’s perfect timing.

Keep affirming God’s mercy
Parents, you are not condemned. Your obedience, your prayers, your modelling of Christ, and your integrity in storms constitute a spiritual investment that God honours. When you have faithfully raised your children in the ways of the Lord, as Proverbs 22:6 instructs, your calling has been fulfilled. What they do with that foundation is now between them and God. Your child’s choices are not a judgement on your parenting.

For pastors and church leaders, the weight is heavier as the Church often expects visible fruitfulness in every area – family, ministry, and personal life – as proof of success. For those in ministry, the pain of a wandering child can feel like public failure, especially when the enemy whispers, “How can you lead others when your own child doesn’t follow Christ?”

God does not grade you by outcomes, but by obedience. Remember:

  • Samuel’s sons rejected his example and chased dishonest gain (1 Sam 8:3).
  • The mighty David wept bitterly over his son Absalom’s rebellion (2 Sam 18:33).
  • The father in the prodigal son parable could not stop his son
    from leaving home (Luke 15:11-32).

Working out their own salvation is a personal responsibility
In Philippians 2:12-13, Paul writes, “Continue to work out your own salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose.” Paul is not saying that we work for it, but highlights that our faith is personal. You cannot “do” someone else’s faith for them; we all have to “work out our own salvation”. Your role, even as a parent, is to model, persist in love, and shine the light through your example, grace, and prayer. Salvation is a gift from God; there is nothing we have done to earn it (Eph 2:8-9). Salvation is not inherited; it must be chosen and embraced. You’ve likely heard this saying: “If you are born in a garage, it does not make you a car.”

Understand that God’s work in your child’s life is not stopped by their wandering. Even their rebellion can become a place where grace is learnt. Keep modelling humility so your children see that faith is not perfection, but dependence on God.

Often as parents we plead, “Lord, convict my child!”, not realising that conviction alone rarely softens a heart. Instead, I have learnt to pray that they would see the goodness of God, because God’s goodness leads us to repentance (Rom 2:4).

Your calling, not your condemnation
“There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus” (Rom 8:1). Making someone feel condemned is satan’s weapon to keep us paralysed. Shame shrinks trust, suffocates hope, and tries to make your worst day as a parent your defining day.

Parents, if you have faithfully raised your children in God’s ways, prayed for them, taught them truth, and modelled His love, then you have done what God called you to do. You can influence your children, but you cannot save them. Trust the same God who formed your children in the womb to form them even in their wandering.

Proverbs 22:6 calls us to “train up a child in the way he should go”. This is a promise of faithful instruction, not a guarantee of instant results. Seeds of faith may lie dormant until the right season. God’s Word planted in a child’s heart does not vanish. Like a seed in the germination process, it waits for His timing to bear fruit. Your role is to “plant” the seeds, and only God gives the increase (1 Cor 3:6). Your true responsibility is obedience: to trust God, to model Christ, and to show grace even when your child resists or rejects truth.

There’s no one more qualified to speak of God’s grace than the one who has fallen into and experienced it. Remember this: “God does not call the qualified, but qualifies the called.” Your pain can become a vessel of mercy for others to receive hope from your trials. As a parent, I understand the weight we carry for our children especially when this weight grows heavier when we are leaders in the Body. If you have done your part, then release the guilt and hand it over to God.

The prodigal’s return: hope with realism
Jesus’ parable of the prodigal son (Luke 15:11-32) is a promise of God’s heart towards both children who wander and parents who wait. The father didn’t chase his son into rebellion, but he never stopped watching the road.

It’s okay for our children to be in the valley; that’s often where God shapes character – in the low places, not just on the mountaintops. Rather than panic in the valley, we should pray that they not only return to our arms but that they return to God. Even when your children may seem far away, God’s Word never fails, as Isaiah 55:10-11 declares, “As the rain and the snow come down from heaven, and do not return to it without watering the earth, so is My word that goes out from My mouth: it will not return to Me empty but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it.”

Every Scripture you have ever read to your child, every prayer whispered through tears, every moment you lived your faith in front of them were seeds sown into eternity. They will not return void. The same Father who welcomed the prodigal home is preparing a homecoming for your child too.

Faithfulness in the unseen
“Being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus” (Phil 1:6). Paul wrote Philippians from a prison cell, yet his heart overflowed with joy and trust. He knew that God’s work could not be stopped by distance, rebellion, or delay. Parents, you are not responsible for your adult children’s choices, but you are responsible for keeping your own heart anchored in faith. Don’t let guilt and shame drown your hope. Don’t let the accusations from “the accuser” (Rev 12:10) silence your prayers or you continuing to walk in your calling and God-given talent.

A parent’s prayer
Father God, thank You that there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. I release the guilt and shame I have carried for my children’s choices. I trust that You are still at work in their hearts. Help me to rest in Your promise, to keep praying in faith, and to believe that the seeds I’ve sown will bear fruit in Your time. Bring them home, Lord. Not just to me, but to You first. In Jesus’ mighty Name, Amen.

This article is featured in the December issue of JOY! Magazine. Read a digital version of this magazine here: joygifts.co.za

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Date published: 02/01/2026
MYAN SUBRAYAN – life coach, speaker, and author. He works with elite athletes and professional teams, including Olympians and players from top rugby and cricket squads
Feature image: Image for illustrative purposes only. Artwork adapted from www.freepik.com

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