Written by: Sophia Roman
Article source: JOY! Magazine
During the 18th year of marriage to Desmond, Debbie felt that something was wrong in their union. Perhaps it was just her overthinking, as their relationship appeared intact when they spent time together and with their family. They were dedicated to serving in their local church. Most, if not all, of their time was spent serving others and ensuring the needs of others were met. This uneasy feeling gnawed at her soul, but she could not pinpoint anything specific. It affected her so deeply that she reached out for prayer.
Indescribable pain
One morning, Desmond decided to move out of the house, leaving her with their two daughters and son. She did not see it coming; the pain it caused her and the children was indescribable. The questions flooded not only her mind, but also the children’s, who wanted answers. How could God allow this to happen after all the years of serving in church, taking care of the needs of others? Needless to say, as the months passed, all their bills were affected. The inevitable happened. Their electricity was the first to be disconnected, just before the exams started. She remembers how night after night, around one candle, the children would sit to study. The bills became unmanageable, and they had to sell their house. After a painful divorce, their paths separated.
Their future looked bleak
Communication was non-existent. Her salary was not enough to keep the family together. The only way forward was to let each child move in with different family members while she moved in with friends. Debbie shared how she would visit her children in a play park. They would bring their books to the park for her to inspect, making sure they were on par with their schoolwork. Right there, daily, she would assist them and speak words of comfort and encouragement to her children.
Tears, pain, and questions
Many days she would roam in a mall, not wanting to invade the space of the family who took her in. She would walk around until nightfall so that she would just be in time for a shower and straight to bed. Weekends were the worst, as the days felt longer and the roaming was tiresome. “It felt like hell,” she recalls. Early in the mornings, she would silently tiptoe, finding her way out of the house. It was a hard place. Most of the night was spent in tears, pain, questions, and prayers about her family that was so widely separated.
Lo and behold…
One day, Danny, their son, had a strong sense that his mom should go search for his dad. Debbie felt that she needed to adhere, not knowing where to start to look for him. How he would respond was also a concern because Desmond now led an irresponsible social life. His lifestyle had changed completely, and he took part in all sorts of unhealthy habits, which led him completely away from God. As Debbie was trying to look for him, the Holy Spirit instructed her to drive to Mnandi Beach. Lo and behold, there his car was parked. When they got close, speaking to him through his car window, it was evident: Desmond had lived a hard life and he was in a “faraway country”, just like the prodigal son. There with him in the car, he had some apparatus ready to end it all…
Beautiful reconciliation
That day, Debbie and the children extended grace to Desmond, inviting him to come and park his car in the driveway of their rented house. For the sake of their children, Debbie offered him a meal a day with strong and very clear boundaries which she, by the strength of God, upheld. It was during this time that Desmond changed his life around, seeking the Lord. He then asked for her forgiveness and requested another chance. After being divorced for nearly three years, they decided to remarry… Fast forward until today – this year, in the month of May, they will be celebrating 25 years of a stronger, healthier, and more closely-knit bond with their children and 18 grandchildren. Praise the Lord for beautiful reconciliation.
This article is featured in the Feb/March issue of JOY! Magazine, which is now on sale nationwide! Pick up your copy from any leading supermarket, or read a digital version of this issue here: joygifts.co.za/product/joy-magazine-feb-march-issue-2025/
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Date published: 18/02/2025
SOPHIA ROMAN – pioneer, visionary, and life transformation coach. Sophia and her husband, Theo, pastor the West Reach AOG Church in Mitchells Plain.
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