Interview by: Gillian Fraser
Article source: JOY! Magazine
When I first heard Vanessa Goosen’s story, I was deeply moved. How does a young woman with a promising future – a Miss South Africa semi-finalist and successful business owner – end up behind bars in a foreign prison for 16 years? Her journey is heartbreaking, yet through the pain, it becomes clear that God’s hand never left her. In this interview, Vanessa shares openly about her arrest, the anguish of giving birth in prison, and the struggle of saying goodbye to her daughter. Her story is raw, but it’s also a powerful testimony of God’s mercy, grace, and the healing that comes through forgiveness.
TESTIMONY AND ARREST
Q. Vanessa, can you take us back to the day of your arrest in Thailand? What was going through your mind in those first few moments of realising something had gone terribly wrong?
It’s hard to put into words. I was very scared and far from home. What made it worse was that I didn’t speak the language, so I didn’t understand what they were saying. There were drugs hidden in books – books that weren’t mine. I was just doing a favour for a friend, bringing engineering books from his brother in Thailand. I had no idea that drugs could be smuggled that way. It was shocking – the books looked completely normal. I was ignorant of how drugs were trafficked, and I was devastated. My mind was racing. I didn’t know what to do.
Q. At what point did you fully grasp the seriousness of the charges against you and the weight of the sentence you were facing?
In court, I didn’t understand what was being said – only when they called my name. Eventually, I was sentenced to death, which was commuted to life. That’s when it really hit me. I was pregnant. What would happen to my child? Would I ever leave this place? Life in Thailand meant 100 years. I was so scared, full of anxiety and stress. My mind kept running ahead – how would I survive? What about my baby? But God gave me Jeremiah 29:11. I didn’t fully believe it at first, but I read it every day and wrote my name into it. That Scripture kept me alive.
Q. How did your identity as a young, successful entrepreneur and Miss SA semi-finalist clash with the reality of being labelled a criminal in a foreign land?
Being labelled a criminal was the worst. I felt ashamed and embarrassed. While I was still imprisoned, magazines published photos of me from past shoots. I was named one of the “ten most dangerous women” in a Cosmopolitan article. It was shocking, degrading. I had once been a model, building a future. Now I was labelled a criminal. I didn’t know how I would face the world again. I remember giving birth and sitting in a waiting room. Wherever I sat, people moved away because of my prison uniform. One child tried to come to me, and the mother grabbed the child away. I felt like the earth should open and swallow me. I felt like I had a contagious disease. It was very lonely.
Q. You’ve spoken openly about being framed. Do you remember the moment when you realised you had been used as an unknowing drug mule?
I realised I was framed when they found the drugs in the books. Who hides drugs in a book? Those books were factory-made and looked completely normal. It was planned. I was used and taken advantage of. It felt like I’d been stripped of everything. I was only in my 20s and lost all those years – all my 20s and most of my 30s – in a Thai prison. People can be heartless. They don’t care how they destroy lives. I cried so much that the guards didn’t want to give me letters anymore – they said it was bad for my unborn child. How could I cope? I was pregnant, sentenced, far from home, with no idea what would happen. It was devastating.
Vanessa with her daughter Felicia in jail in Thailand, where the little girl was born and spent the first three years of her life.
MOTHERHOOD BEHIND BARS
Q. You gave birth to your daughter while imprisoned. Can you describe that experience?
Giving birth to my daughter in that situation was not easy. I was alone, far away from home, and I didn’t have anybody with me. I was scared. I was having contractions and didn’t even realise it – I thought it was just back pain. One lady told me I was going to have the baby, and another American lady gave me a quick crash course on breathing and how to push. I was in labour from the day before until the next day without sleep. They only took me out the next morning, and I was placed at the back of a bakkie. I had severe pain. At the hospital, they made me weigh myself, gave me clothes, and sent me alone to the bathroom. There was a small mirror – the first I’d seen since April – and I cried. I had so much pain and sorrow, not knowing what lay ahead. I was taken to a room with eight male and eight female students, who were going to practise on me. They struggled to take blood, but they spoke English and helped me. I lay flat on a bed with no pillow. I had no strength to push the baby out, and eventually, the doctor tied me down and pushed on my stomach to help deliver my daughter. I screamed into one of the student’s stomachs, and then the baby came. I was so cold and shaking, and they said they had no blankets – this was a lower-class hospital. They put lights on me and gave me a hot drink. I wasn’t allowed to stay in the hospital. I was placed back on the bakkie, bleeding and in severe pain, and taken to the prison. I collapsed and woke up in the prison hospital. My daughter wasn’t breathing properly – they had to pump water out of her. I didn’t understand the danger of that at the time. It was all so overwhelming, but somehow, God was there, even though I didn’t know Him then.
Q. How did it feel knowing you would have to let your daughter go at the age of three?
Letting go of my daughter was not easy at all. I had prayed and asked God to go home with her. I spoke to a lady in prison who helped me understand the Word, and she told me that if I had no peace, then it wasn’t God’s will for her to stay with me. That was so hard to accept. I took a month to deal with it alone before preparing my daughter. I didn’t want her to be taken from me by force, so I explained to her what life in South Africa would be like – warm food, a bed, toys. My best friend and her husband came to take her, as my mother was not well and couldn’t cope. My mom ended up in hospital after attempting suicide because of the trauma. The day my daughter was to leave, she changed her mind and didn’t want to go. She told me, “I want to be with my mother.” That tore my heart apart. I could barely cope. I just cried, and all I could say was, “Jesus, help me.” God did a miracle – just before the visit ended, she changed her mind again and said she would go, but I must come soon. When she walked out, I collapsed in tears. She kissed me through the bars, and I had to suppress my emotions so I wouldn’t break down in front of her. She screamed when she left – a scream I’ll never forget. It was the sound of a child desperate for help. She flew to South Africa that day, her third birthday. On arrival, she couldn’t walk, wouldn’t let my friend touch her, and had to see a psychologist. She was afraid of everything. I worried constantly – was she eating, sleeping, hurting? I eventually collapsed from the emotional toll. But God gave me strength to go on.
Q. How has your relationship with your daughter developed since your release?
When I came back, we didn’t know each other. She got sick and I took her to the doctor, who asked questions I couldn’t answer. That broke me. My friend’s husband couldn’t help either – it was his wife who raised my daughter. She was a difficult teenager, full of anger and unforgiveness. It pushed me back to my knees to pray for her. Eventually, she gave her life to the Lord, and after that, things improved. It took time. She once asked me, “When I was born, did they lay me on you?” I had to say no. She said, “Maybe that’s why we don’t have a bond.” It took God’s grace to restore our relationship. Today, we serve God together. She loves the Lord and ministers to young adults. I led her to Christ myself, and she has received healing too. Never stop praying for your children – even when things look hopeless. God can restore.
PRISON AND THE DARKEST MOMENTS
Q. 16 years in a Thai prison is unimaginable. What were some of your lowest moments, and what kept you going when all hope seemed lost?
One of my lowest points was when my Royal King’s pardon was rejected. I had high hopes, with influential people supporting me – even Desmond Tutu. A kind woman paid for my pardon application. I fasted and prayed, trusting God to let me go home. But after three years, my pardon was denied. I was angry with God. I didn’t understand why He hadn’t answered my prayer. After the rejection, I spiralled into deep depression. I had anxiety, panic attacks, rapid heartbeat, severe headaches, and cold sweats. My body was fighting so hard. I lost weight, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. I was hospitalised and couldn’t even walk or bathe myself. I couldn’t pray. I shut my Bible and turned my back on God. But the only thing that brought me back was turning to Him again.
The Thai prison where Vanessa was held for 16 years.
Q. Were there any people who became beacons of light to you?
Yes, several people. Rachel and Michael, American missionaries in Thailand, visited and helped me understand the Word of God. They gave me a soul Bible that explained anxiety and depression – I didn’t even know those were mental illnesses. They also baptised my daughter Felicia in prison. There was another American woman, Susan, who helped with my project, the International Family Support Group. We sold cards I designed to support mothers in prison. A former guard named Mary, imprisoned for fraud, also helped. She loved Felicia and took care of her – bathing, dressing her, even buying little things for her. She was a blessing, especially during raids. In the prison church, I trained others in the Word, even though Bibles were scarce. We shared one Bible among several inmates. Despite persecution, more Thai inmates became Christians.
Q. You mention struggling with suicidal thoughts and deep emotional trauma. Was there a particular turning point that helped you break free mentally and spiritually?
Yes. When I was hospitalised after my pardon was rejected, I lost all hope. I couldn’t see a future. One day, the missionaries sang a song about broken pieces. I saw myself in pieces on the floor – like a broken vase. I asked God to put me back together. In that moment, I saw the vase come together with golden lines where the cracks were. That was God’s promise to restore me. I cried deeply. The pain was from deep inside. I repented and turned back to God. Something lifted. Slowly, I regained hope and strength. That vision of the golden vase stayed with me. I was so broken, but God was putting me back together.
FAITH AND FREEDOM
Q. How did your faith in God take root and grow during your time in prison? Was there a specific moment when you surrendered your life to Christ?
Yes, I surrendered my life to Christ in prison after reading a Joyce Meyer magazine. An American girl gave it to me. I read about healing and answered prayers. I didn’t understand much, but I wanted to test if God was real. I stood in front of a tap, prayed, and touched it – and the water came. I was shocked, but it made me realise that God hears prayers. That night, after saying a salvation prayer from the magazine, I lay down and started speaking in a language I didn’t understand. I had never heard of tongues before. It scared me. Later, the American lady explained that it was the Holy Spirit – a sign I was now God’s child. From that moment, I knew God was real.
Vanessa’s mom, Mina, with her daughter, Vanessa, and her granddaughter, Felicia.
Q. Do you believe God had a purpose for allowing you to go through such suffering?
Yes, I do believe God had a purpose. It reminds me of Joseph – what the enemy meant for harm, God used for good. Through that suffering, I was moulded and transformed. I helped many people in prison, sharing the Gospel and leading others to Christ. God used that place to train and equip me. Today, I minister to others who are struggling with unforgiveness, depression, and trauma. God prepared me to help them. Forgiveness is key – it’s a decision that opens the way for healing. I realised I needed to forgive to be healed, and only then could I help others. Looking back, I see how God used every moment for His purpose.
Q. How did you experience God’s presence in the daily grind of prison life – particularly in the ordinary, painful, or unseen moments?
What comforted me most was knowing I could call on God anytime. He was my guide when I didn’t know what to do. I worked in a computer room where foreigners weren’t usually allowed, but an officer noticed me and offered to train me. I learnt to type in Thai and do data entry. God gave me favour. I worked hard, even in my lunch breaks. Eventually, I was put in charge of the project, which belonged to the King’s daughter. Though others tried to work against me, we became friends. God’s Word says He prepares a table before your enemies – and I saw that. I also led aerobics for inmates. We had no shoes or music at first, but God provided. Visitors saw us and it became a testimony. I was even chosen to model outside the prison to show rehabilitation. God’s favour was real in the smallest things.
Q. When you were finally released, what was the first thing you thanked God for?
I was overwhelmed with gratitude. After 16 and a half years, I was alive, free, and without disease. That was God. I cried a lot. I didn’t talk much – I just observed and soaked it in. Reuniting with my family and dealing with life outside was overwhelming, but I was deeply thankful for God’s mercy.
Vanessa and Felicia today.
HEALING, FORGIVENESS, AND PURPOSE
Q. How did you walk the path of forgiveness – towards those who betrayed you, and even towards yourself?
Forgiveness was a process. At first, I didn’t realise that my unforgiveness was destroying me. I had anger and hatred and thought holding onto it gave me power, but it was actually crippling me. Depression, anxiety, and panic attacks were rooted in unforgiveness. God gave me Matthew 6 – if you don’t forgive, I won’t forgive you. That verse hit me hard. I realised I had to forgive and let go. Letting go is part of forgiveness. Otherwise, it surfaces again and again. I had to stop destroying myself. I also had to stop expecting an apology. For 16 years, I waited for someone to say, “I’m sorry.” That apology never came, and it nearly put me back into depression. I had to let go of that expectation and trust God for healing.
Q. What are some practical ways you began to heal from trauma, both emotionally and spiritually, after your release?
I had to be brutally honest with myself. I admitted I was angry, that I hated – I even prayed for God to kill those who hurt me. That’s when I realised I needed help. I gave it to God and asked for His help to let go. One breakthrough was when I could pray for the person who betrayed me. That’s when I knew I was healed. I also spoke about my pain – giving talks became part of my healing. Sharing my story helped me heal, and it helped others too.
MINISTRY AND MESSAGE TODAY
Q. Your story has touched thousands around the world. What is the core message you hope people take away when they hear you speak?
That nothing is impossible with God. No matter how dark or hopeless your situation, God can make a way. He brought me out of a place where I thought I’d die. People didn’t believe I could be free, but God made a way. People come to realise they can be healed, restored, and set free. Many are held in spiritual prisons by shame, pain, and unforgiveness. I’ve seen lives changed, hope renewed, and people walk in freedom. My story shows that with God, all things are possible.
Q. What is one thing you would say to someone reading this who feels trapped – in a situation, in shame, or in hopelessness?
Never give up. The devil will lie and tell you there’s no way out, but it’s not true. I received a death sentence and thought I’d never survive – but God brought me out. Shame can keep you stuck. But Jesus took our shame. Don’t let it hold you back. Don’t wait for an apology. Forgive and let go. Trust God’s timing. I prayed in 1995 to go home, but God answered 16 years later. His timing is perfect. Let Him restore you and lift you up. You’re not alone. God is with you, and nothing is impossible for Him.
Q. Looking back now, would you say the prison was your greatest place of transformation?
Yes, prison was where God transformed me. He became real to me there. I had to depend on Him alone. Through every trial, He was moulding me. I learnt about His mercy, grace, forgiveness, and unconditional love. God gave me a purpose – to bring hope, healing, and encouragement. Today, I help others who are battling depression, trauma, and unforgiveness. I do workshops, share my story, and lead people to Jesus. If I hadn’t gone through that, I wouldn’t be doing what I do today. God has called each of us for a purpose. He formed us in the womb and gave us what we need to fulfil His call. We can’t do it on our own, but through Christ who strengthens us. Don’t let fear hold you back. Trust Him – He will equip you.
If you’d like to hear more of Vanessa’s powerful story and how the Lord carried her through unimaginable trials, her testimony is available to order on DVD. For more information, or to request a copy, you are welcome to contact her directly at info@vgse.co.za.
This article is featured in the September issue of JOY! Magazine. Read a digital version of this magazine here: joygifts.co.za
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Date published: 23/09/2025
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