Written by: Sophia Roman
Article source: JOY! Magazine
Pastor Langa and Dr Promise Sethembiso Madonsela hail from Ulundi in Zululand. Langa has served as a senior pastor in the Assemblies of God for over 20 years, while Dr Sethembiso, a schoolteacher, earned her PhD in mathematics. Their marriage has been blessed with three beautiful daughters. Together, they serve as the pastoral couple of Newlands AOG, Back to God.
“Men don’t cry”
Throughout their lives, they have seen how God keeps His promises. In the year their youngest daughter, Pretty, celebrated her 14th birthday, she lost her life. The first thing Langa did was make sure he was strong for his wife and daughters. It was never easy to cry, because in the culture he grew up in, it is taught that “men don’t cry”. He had to be strong.
A few years later, he realised that he had never recovered and that he was merely pretending to be strong. It was expected of him to wipe the tears of his wife and be there for his daughters. He dismissed himself. Counselling was provided for his family, but not for him.
He eventually found himself at a place where he had to admit, “I need counselling. I was hard hit by this. If only someone had pushed me into counselling.”
The day everything changed
It was early one Sunday morning, and he was preparing for his usual run. One voice said, “Don’t go today,” yet another said, “Go and keep the discipline.” He left. Thirty minutes into his jog, a strong voice nudged him to turn back immediately and go home. He obeyed right away. While Langa went for his jog, Pretty had gone to take a bath as she was preparing for the Sunday morning service. Her mother thought she was still in the bathroom when she noticed water seeping from under the door. They called for her, but there was no reply. They had to break the door down. That was where they found her body – face down in the bathtub. By the time her sister tried to resuscitate her, she was already gone. On Langa’s arrival back home, his family was in turmoil. Someone was trying to resuscitate Pretty, and everyone was weeping. Pretty had passed out. The ambulance arrived, and her parents accompanied her to the hospital, but it was too late. The official cause of death is unknown.
Pastor Langa and Dr Promise Sethembiso Madonsela. Pretty is on the right side of her dad.
The danger of uncried tears
It was a hard blow for her dad, as he was not at home when it happened. He felt that, as the protector of his family, he had failed. “I needed words of comfort. I had uncried tears. Tears are important – they remain with you, even if uncried – and it can be very dangerous. I reminded myself of what I was taught: ‘Men don’t cry. Pick yourself up and be sober. Don’t show any grief in front of people.’” Later, he discovered and experienced that uncried tears can lead to various health issues. He lost the inspiration for things he once loved doing. Life felt different.
A trigger he never expected
Recently, after the catastrophic storms in KwaZulu-Natal, he was called to visit the cemetery, as the heavy rains had washed some graves away. It was a great trigger. He felt he couldn’t tell his wife, as her grief was still so deep and costly as a mother. She had been the first one to find Pretty’s body in the bath, and now, to be the first to find the grave washed away would be too much. Pastor Langa could not let her go through that pain again.
Today, he shares the following wisdom with men:
- Admit the loss when death happens – don’t bury the pain.
- Try to get help even when you don’t feel like it. Find spiritual mentors and professional support.
- Pastors are always there for others, but they need people to be there for them too.
- Never tell a pastor to use his own sermons as medicine for his grief. Rather, reach out and support him.
- Talk about your loved one, even if it feels like you are scratching the wound. That scratching is often the healing balm.
- Be wise when speaking to your wife about the loss of a child. Mothers grieve differently. Her pace is slower due to the bond formed in the womb.
Both parents have come a long way towards healing, and they now openly share with others about loss, grief and recovery. Because they can relate, people find peace in their own storm.
This article is featured in the June issue of JOY! Magazine. Read a digital version of this magazine here: joygifts.co.za
Click here to KEEP UPDATED on the latest news by subscribing to our FREE weekly newsletter.
> Please support Christian media and journalism in South Africa. Help us to spread the Word of God and take a stand for the truth by making a donation to our ministry. We appreciate your support. Click here to take hands with JOY! Magazine.
Date published: 04/06/2025
SOPHIA ROMAN – pioneer, visionary, and life transformation coach. Sophia and her husband, Theo, pastor the West Reach AOG Church in Mitchells Plain.
Feature image: Image for illustrative purposes only.
DISCLAIMER
JOY! News is a Christian news portal that shares pre-published articles by writers around the world. Each article is sourced and linked to the origin, and each article is credited with the author’s name. Although we do publish many articles that have been written in-house by JOY! journalists, we do not exclusively create our own content. Any views or opinions presented on this website are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of the company.
