Written by: Sophia Roman
Article source: JOY! Magazine
Taryn remembers growing up in a happy family. When she was nine years old, her mom fell pregnant with her baby brother. They were excited, the doctor said this was going to be a Christmas baby. Instead, on Christmas eve, both baby brother and mommy died during birth. This pivotal and traumatic event changed Taryn’s life forever.
A traumatic season
Her anger towards God was deep; she questioned what kind of God would take mommies away from little girls on Christmas eve? Could He not have chosen a different day? As a result, Taryn hated Christmas and the entire season intensely. Every year thereafter the sound of a Christmas carol or the sight of Christmas trimmings would take her memories and deep feelings right back to that traumatic night…
A troubled childhood
Taryn’s anger and hurt intensified when her dad remarried. She judged him for the way he chose to grieve. She was angry because the new woman was unlike her mommy in every way. Taryn suffered from extreme anger outbursts as a teenager. She remembers picking up an iron and throwing it into a window. Her life was overwhelmed by depression, loneliness, low self-esteem, and worthlessness. Furthermore, she suffered from comparison syndrome, always comparing herself to others and feeling less than. Whatever she had to offer was just not good enough, Taryn believed. “I bore my pain like a medal of honour,” she said.
The prayers of a father
Taryn set off into the world searching for her peace, joy, purpose, identity, and self-worth – anything that could fill the emptiness and anesthetise the emotional pain. She searched all over, always looking for that Prince Charming who would save her from her life of misery. This caused her to experience many failed romantic relationships. Night clubs became her regular hide out, and alcohol became her solace. The warning signs of alcoholism were everywhere, but she chose to ignore them. Alcohol gave her the self-esteem boost that she needed to walk into places; it made her feel like she was enough. She vividly remembers once coming home from a night club on a Sunday morning. She walked past her dad as he was leaving for church. He said: “My child, I will stay on my knees for you.” Those words are forever etched in Taryn’s mind and heart.
Finding meaning in life
She never found what she was looking for in the night clubs. After the highs wore off, the loneliness, depression, hopelessness, and the sadness were magnified. She thought about a watch and how if it is broken, we take it to the watchmaker. She decided to check with the One who created her, and arrogantly prayed out, “God, if You exist, and if You are out there, show me why You created me, show me why I was born, and save me from this hopelessness, this emptiness, this uncertainty. There must be more to my life than the pain that I’m living. Give me a job for You.” God answered her in a way that still has her pinching herself today, thinking how He was able to not only transform and restore her, but restore her to fulfil His purposes through her life.
A purposeful life
The last gift Taryn’s mom had given her was a typewriter, so that she could write her story of hope. Today Taryn uses her passion for words to write and lecture her ‘Unlearning’ course to students. She trains and counsels them to renew their minds towards a transformed life in Christ. She encourages others to trust God’s plan for their lives.
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Date published: 05/10/2023
Feature image: Taryn with a photo insert of her dad.
SOPHIA ROMAN – pioneer, visionary and life transformation coach. Sophia and her husband, Theo, pastor the West Reach AOG Church in Mitchells Plain.
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